Due to the recent popularity of the Fifty Shades books,
The once taboo and underground D/s (Dominant/submissive) lifestyle has been brought to the surface and into the light of popularity.
Of course, with popularity comes misunderstanding.
Contrary to some popular opinions, being a submissive woman does not make you weak. Being a submissive lover can be a very empowering and fulfilling experience and most of all, it can increase intimacy with your lover.
Almost any woman can put on sexy lingerie and order her lover around – that confidence can even be faked for play. However, it takes a lot for a woman to confidently yield control to a man in a sexual way.
The social dynamics of D/s seems simple – there is a Dominant who is in charge and a submissive who gives up control. However, if you look a little deeper, it goes much further than that.
When you break it down, the Dominant establishes what he can do from the submissive. Ultimately, the submissive has the control as to what can and cannot be done, and the Dominant must obey this. Then the Dominant basically takes the driver’s seat and controls the scene with the submissive.
D/s is more than just kinky sex. It’s not about fucking – it’s about expressing a sacred sexuality.
Being Submissive Is a Gift
Being a submissive woman is not about being timid, frightened or speaking uncomfortably in the presence of a Dominant man, as Fifty Shades would like you to think. It’s about being confident enough with yourself, your partner and your sexuality to give up your control.
Exploring your darkest desires and honoring your choices in an educated and healthy way with someone you trust is what being a strong submissive woman is all about.
Your consent to allow another control of your body can be a very empowering feeling.
You have to be strong to be submissive. It takes a lot of strength to give up your personal power and trust that your partner will treat it as the precious gift it is.
As with any relationship, communication is vital to a D/s relationship. Complete honesty with your partner about your likes and dislikes will enhance your experience and increase your intimacy because you are openly discussing fantasies together.
It is good practice to set what is called a safeword. This gives you as a submissive a bit of control over the intensity of play. I prefer to utilize two safewords.
The first one is a cautionary safeword that signals, “I like this, but it is becoming a bit intense” and lets your Dominant know to slow down or ease up on the intensity.
The second safeword is, of course, to immediately stop all activity because a limit has been reached.
Limits are meant to be explored and pushed, but not coerced forcefully. That is abuse. A submissive woman should never allow herself to be used or abused.
Give Yourself Over
Placing control of your body into the hands of your partner is very liberating. You are trusting him to be in charge of your seduction, the direction of play and ultimately, your pleasure.
At times, there is a point where the submissive reaches a feeling of complete euphoria from submitting to the Dominant’s desires and commands during play. This is commonly referred to as sub-space.
It’s hard to describe the feeling of sub-space, as it is different for each person. I’ve heard it is often experienced with more intense orgasms. Who wouldn’t like that?
When it happens, go with the flow and let it wash over you. Revel in it and let him guide you through. Most of all, have fun with it!
Be a Brat
Being submissive isn’t always about being docile and following orders. You can spice it up a bit and be a brat. Just because he has control doesn’t mean it has to always be smooth sailing in the driver’s seat. *wink wink*
Throw in a bit of edginess and give him a bit of playful resistance. Try something simple as a little sass… sticking your tongue out in playful defiance or yawning while being “punished” (If you like being “punished” that is!).
In the lifestyle, being a bratty submissive is sometimes referred to as being a SAM (smart-assed masochist).
Once you give the reins over to your lover, you might start exploring things you wouldn’t have with just ordinary vanilla sex. You’re going to find out secret desires, fetishes and more about each other, deepening your intimacy.
Being a strong submissive is a wonderful and empowering journey to take. It can strengthen and deepen your relationship not only with your partner but with yourself.
You’ll find that once you start being true to your desires in the bedroom, it will give you strength and courage to be more confident and daring in your everyday life.